this will forever be my favorite tweet of all time
GODRIC GRYFFINDOR: We will create a school to teach all the brave young wizards and witches.
SALAZAR SLYTHERIN: And we must also teach those students who are cunning and sly.
ROWENA RAVENCLAW: And we shall open our doors to those with a curious mind and appetite for creativity.
HELGA HUFFLEPUFF: My tongue is blue because I was eating lollipops for dinner! Wanna see? I can almost do a cartwheel! Are you watching?!
GODRIC: That's great, Helga. You don't need to shout. But would you like to help us form a wizarding school?
HELGA: I like to hug. I'm really good at it. Hugs are like presents that always fit. Can I be the school's hug captain? I can teach hugging! I can also teach Laundry and How To Draw Bubble Letters.
GODRIC: No. Hugging is not something we are concerned with.
HELGA: Oh really? How long should a typical hug last, Mr. Know-It-All?
GODRIC: Um…ten sec—
HELGA: Wrong! A good hug lasts a lifetime because it lives in your heart for infinity years!!!
SALAZAR: Maybe we only need three people to start a school.
HELGA: Badgers are my favorite! I'm going to make lemon squares! Can we call the school Smile Town? If I close my eyes, am I invisible? Can I have turtle? I'm good at making bubble letters. Really good. The trick is to pretend the letters are clouds and to use purple.
SALAZAR: By the way, if 68% of the students in my house turn out evil, it's totally not my fault. Cool? Cool.
Ben Delacreme on trans slurs/drag lingo. (@ 5:47)
Denny’s is calling out Coachella.
Denny’s dude. Wow.
Denny’s social media is on fucking point.
I always get choked up at weddings